Your empath here has had a busy couple months.
I did a show at the beautiful Mystic Journey Crystals in Venice, CA a few weeks back. My first time on a literal stage, with religious iconography above me and multi-thousand dollar crystals on either side. Here's what that looked like (minus the crystals, in the other room):
Actually, here are the crystals in the other room. I just have to show you:
Off I went to San Francisco, where One Salon SF hosted me for a hybrid workshop-show-presentation at Make School. I explained to a more tech-oriented crowd how I experience others' feelings, gave a reading by way of demonstration, then had everyone feel everyone else's feelings through a playful meditation.
I wrapped up my four-week class "How to Thrive as an Empath" through the Evolver Learning Labs. Which was the most beautiful experience I've ever shared with people digitally. Turns out, emotions travel through screens as easily as through space as long as the intention is there. Here's how the class began:
I was also, I confess, featured in a documentary by Vice. I just hated the way they portrayed me. This is me sucking it up and showing you the first few minutes of what I experienced as a mean-spirited botch job. (Note to self: don't read the Youtube comments. Or do. Prepare yourself, anyway.)
Still, i have this restlessness, this feeling of wanting to do more. More gallery shows (dream: art museums); more theater (dream: off Broadway, eventually... Broadway?); more classes (just becoming a better teacher) and the loudest dream of all, a show, Facebook Watch or Youtube or even cable TV. So much so I've hired the brilliantly talented editor Will Kitchings to edit a sizzle reel for me.
Why? What is that feeling? The egocentric need to replicate my image? Or could it be a desire to serve more folks? Or to explore my boundaries? Right now, it feels more like: I want to win at the game. Which is another way of saying: Grant me, oh universe, validation as a success. Maybe it's me sensing a destiny, in an honest way, then grasping at it, because I want it NOW.
So I come back here, back to this place of sitting on my floor at 1:30 in the morning, typing. I will sleep soon, wake up, meditate, maybe go to the gym, then head to my new office at the Assemblage in NYC, respond to emails, plan whatever's next, in other words: ALLOW. I remind myself, when I notice I'm grasping: I'm awesome as I am, right here, right now. No one has to read this or pay attention to it to change my underlying self-worth. But also: It's okay to want more.
These thoughts spin around. This is work I'm still doing on myself. Re-orienting around what shows up for me to do today, tomorrow, the next day, and not as much around brass rings. If they come, great. If they don't, I am not less of a person. Because they're just ways, at the end of the day, to grow into a fuller self. I might grow just as much by not getting what I want as by getting it. Who knows?